Living With Oreo

January, 2005

Two years ago, I caved in to the plaintive cries of my wife and daughter and agreed that we could get a dog. Cheryl promptly proceeded to put a deposit down on a yet-to-be-born Bichon Friese, a small, dog-like creature that seemed more stuffed toy than canine. Seven-year old Sarah was thrilled and couldn't wait to have her own doggie.

Luckily for me, at the last minute, Cheryl got cold feet and backed out of the whole venture. The loss of the deposit was a small price to pay for the incredible relief I felt at having avoided dog ownership. The downside was how to placate Sarah. I came up with the brilliant idea of getting her a fish tank and some fish to put in her room. This managed to stem the tears and allowed us to "move on with our lives."

Over the following year, one of the Neons in the fish tank died, a probable victim of the blue Beta fish. The Beta was subsequently separated from the remaining Neons but met his own demise when he somehow jumped out of the temporary container Cheryl put him into and presumably made his way through the grates of the heat vent in Sarah's room and on to a likely dessicated end somewhere in the heating ducts of our house.

When the remaining Neons finally bit the dust, I dismantled the fish tank and associated apparatus and stored them in the basement. The fish-owning stage of our family history was now complete and nothing remained but to live out my life in pet-free bliss.

But things have a way of happening when you're not paying close attention. Cheryl and Sarah re-started their dog-acquisition campaign and, in a moment of weakness, I again relented. And this time, Cheryl decided not to go with the small, yappy, dog-like creature called a Bichon Friese but instead opted for a Portuguese Water Dog.

The irony of the situation is that both Cheryl and Sarah are allergic to dogs. But that didn't stop them from pursuing their demented dream of dog ownership. According to doggie legend, there are two so-called hypoallergenic breeds that allergy-prone people can tolerate - the Bichon and the PWD.

So here I sit anticipating a new chapter in our family life. Cheryl has paid the outrageous sum of $1700 to claim one of the upcoming litter of Portys which will soon be available at a local breeder. As the excitement mounts in the Martin household, I await future events with a silent sense of foreboding.